"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men..."

Sexist pronoun aside, this adage seems to describe my life lately. For example, I spent a month planning out this weekend. In about 3 seconds, the situation had changed drastically and I had to completely change everything around. What's that about?!

Lately, I've found myself wondering what comes next. I mean, I have a sketchy idea. I'm going to go to seminary, go through the Candidacy (ordination process) going to receive a first call (first job) and do my thing. But obviously, there's more to life than just that skeleton of a schedule. And I wonder what that will be.

I also wonder why men like to break up with their significant others right before going to a wedding. I mean really, this is the second time. It's like pouring lemon juice in the wound. You're love life sucks and you have to watch a family member or good friend marry the love of his/her life while simultaneously wondering if you will end up being that old cat lady the neighborhood kids make fun of. And then you have to be deliriously happy for them while feeling a mixture of hopelessness, jealousy, and anger that you always seem to be in the same depressing single situation every time. I'm thrilled that people are marrying the one they love-- although 1 out of 2 marriages fails anyway.

Wow, that was uplifting.

In case you couldn't guess, I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I really am happy for them-- if anyone deserves to be happy, Feez does. But as I think about the wedding, I can't help but worry that I will never be the one in the pretty white dress who walks down the aisle with all eyes on her, making life-long vows of commitment with her love.

I was watching a Sex and the City episode recently, and a line Carrie said caught my ear. I relate to Carrie's character a lot; not because we're similar (I think I'm a combination of Miranda and Charlotte), but because Carrie has been through many of the experiences I have-- especially with her failed engagement. In this episode, Carrie tells her friends "I'm beginning to think that I'm not the marrying type." Maybe that's me, too. Maybe I'm not the marrying type. Period. End of story. Maybe I'll never find that guy who can "handle me," since I seem to be too much to handle as an independent woman who has a life plan. Do all men really want a submissive, simpering woman who will do whatever they tell her to do? In order to get married, do women have to be a Stepford Wife?

If that's the case, I'm never getting married-- especially since I don't cook.

Lots of stuff!

OK, so I haven't written a blog entry in like 10 years (more like 3 weeks), so I'm just gonna rattle off some random stuff that's happened:

1) I got to ride on a motorcycle! It was damn cool.

2) Candidacy continues... It feels like my life is completely run by committees (see church sign above). I have yet to get the results back from my psych evaluations... should be interesting.

3) I walk across the graduation stage on Sunday at 10:30! Holy crap! Where did the time go?! I can hardly believe that I'll be graduating with my (first) Masters degree!

4) My next big project is moving into my new apartment. I'm not looking forward to that at all-- I just don't like packing and moving in general. The new apartment will be fun, though.

5) My new boyfriend is really freaking cute. Here's to good times ahead!

6) I can not wait to start seminary!!!! Too bad I don't start until August. *sigh* It's gonna totally rock (and be a lot of hard work, too)!

7) My goal is to read the whole Book of Concord this summer. I feel like I'll be a "real" Lutheran once I do that.

8) Oh, yeah-- I AM FINALLY OUT OF THE LUTHERAN CLOSET!!!!! I AM GOING TO SEMINARY THIS FALL TO BE A LUTHERAN PASTOR!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! It's been crazy tough keeping my mouth shut, although some of you know already since you asked what I'd do with my Masters in Theology, haha. This wasn't the plan when I started my Masters, since I was going to a Roman Catholic University so that I could work for the Catholic Church. Who'd a thunk that I'd be a minister??!! God really does laugh when we make plans....