"The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men..."
Sexist pronoun aside, this adage seems to describe my life lately. For example, I spent a month planning out this weekend. In about 3 seconds, the situation had changed drastically and I had to completely change everything around. What's that about?!
Lately, I've found myself wondering what comes next. I mean, I have a sketchy idea. I'm going to go to seminary, go through the Candidacy (ordination process) going to receive a first call (first job) and do my thing. But obviously, there's more to life than just that skeleton of a schedule. And I wonder what that will be.
I also wonder why men like to break up with their significant others right before going to a wedding. I mean really, this is the second time. It's like pouring lemon juice in the wound. You're love life sucks and you have to watch a family member or good friend marry the love of his/her life while simultaneously wondering if you will end up being that old cat lady the neighborhood kids make fun of. And then you have to be deliriously happy for them while feeling a mixture of hopelessness, jealousy, and anger that you always seem to be in the same depressing single situation every time. I'm thrilled that people are marrying the one they love-- although 1 out of 2 marriages fails anyway.
Wow, that was uplifting.
In case you couldn't guess, I'm going to a wedding this weekend. I really am happy for them-- if anyone deserves to be happy, Feez does. But as I think about the wedding, I can't help but worry that I will never be the one in the pretty white dress who walks down the aisle with all eyes on her, making life-long vows of commitment with her love.
I was watching a Sex and the City episode recently, and a line Carrie said caught my ear. I relate to Carrie's character a lot; not because we're similar (I think I'm a combination of Miranda and Charlotte), but because Carrie has been through many of the experiences I have-- especially with her failed engagement. In this episode, Carrie tells her friends "I'm beginning to think that I'm not the marrying type." Maybe that's me, too. Maybe I'm not the marrying type. Period. End of story. Maybe I'll never find that guy who can "handle me," since I seem to be too much to handle as an independent woman who has a life plan. Do all men really want a submissive, simpering woman who will do whatever they tell her to do? In order to get married, do women have to be a Stepford Wife?
If that's the case, I'm never getting married-- especially since I don't cook.
posted by Living Life With Exclamation Points! at
9:17 PM
4 Comments:
First, I tend to honestly believe that this is just a matter of either complete coincidence, or the Lord was just looking after you and decided not to wait for a better timing to make the move...
Second, I've been wondering myself about where life is going. I mean, I have a reasonable picture, one year left here, then move someplace where there's a job and enough fresh air to breathe. But where is that, I don't know.
Third, I find it often quite odd being around the people that I work with and those under me because they all talk about the last big party, or what their significant other did or didn't do, and so on and so forth. It's hard not to wonder when will mine happen.
Fourth, I really do believe that not all men are the same. I do think there is someone out there, and the Lord will in His own way show you when, where, and who it is. I have to believe that, and I know you do too. So while I find Carrie's comment to be interesting, and it certainly has at times felt like life is that way for me, even in this very week, you have to remember that somebody is going to love you for who you are, not for who society or some image says you must be.
By
Anonymous, at May 24, 2007 at 10:03 PM
Well, speaking as a married woman who so far as I know is not a Stepford wife, I would attest, that no, you don't have to be one. Of course, from the beginning Chris has known I'm ambitious and have my own career path in mind. But at the same time, I'm flexible enough to meet his needs. For example, I would seriously consider living here in England for a couple of years after graduate school. But I know Chris wants to go home and it was hard enough for him to move here, so living here longer wouldn't be fair to him.
As for the cooking, it helps if you marry a chef. Just promise to do the dishes in return.
So it's just the matter of finding the right person who understands you and wants you the way you are. It helps a lot if he is your best friend.
By
Anonymous, at May 28, 2007 at 9:13 AM
Sweetie, let's be honest. You more or less have the rest of your life mapped out for you. Go through seminary, do pastor stuff for years and year, then do whatever ministers do when they retire.
Me, my life is a frighteningly open book. School is done, I have a job and a place to live, now what? I no longer have direction of any kind. Do I stay at this job or find a better one? Go back to grad school or not? Buy a house or continue renting? It's scary, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. Nothing left is required of me. (I've gotten used to this, but I was definitely in an existential funk for like a year after graduating college)
Also, relationships are scary. It helps if you get dumped a few more times, so you can get used to it. Live a little, dance like nobody's watching. And let's face it- you're very pretty, you're smart, you're interesting. If you really are open to it, you're not going to have trouble finding a guy.
By
Kevin J. Voss, at June 4, 2007 at 11:45 PM
I just signed on AIM for the first time in ohhh, like since I got married. And read your blog. Hunny, if I can get married and find someone to handle me, you will too. But only if you want to. Bobby gets his butt handed to him on a regular basis if something is amiss. Maybe it's due to pregnancy hormones, but you know me, and you know I don't lay down and play dead for anyone. Even him. As much as I love him, if he does something dumb in front of his brothers, he knows about it. You just have to find the person who can handle you and let you be your own person all at the same time. But you also have to have the ability to do it back.
~Mere
By
Anonymous, at September 29, 2007 at 10:28 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home